“You have two ears but only one mouth,” my grandmother often told me. “That’s so you can do twice as much listening as talking,” she said. Grandma made her point. Most of us have to work hard to stop talking and pay attention to what others are saying. Listening, though, takes a lot more than just two ears.
Using my ears, I can hear more than just your words. I can hear your tone, your emotion, and even your silences. Your rate of speech and emotional intensity color your message in ways I can hear.
With my eyes I can also listen to your emotions through your facial expressions, eye moment, posture, and gestures. Recently I watched a video taped portion of an award winning speech delivered at a Toastmasters International contest. With the volume turned off on my TV, I watched the speaker masterfully connect with his audience and deliver his message. Even though I couldn’t hear his words, I saw his message through the look in his eyes and on his face and the movement of his body. Powerful.
I can also listen to you kinesthetically—with the tension and relaxation of my muscles, rate of breathing, and even how I’m standing or sitting. Don’t laugh. The next time you hear a fast-talking speaker who takes short breaths, check yourself to see whether or not your muscles are tense, your heart rate increased, and your breathing shortened.
To fully engage my sense in listening to you, I must make a choice to do so. It doesn’t happen naturally. I must also make a series of choices to fully engage my cognitive capacities to listen.
I must choose to be open to your message. I must be willing to let it move me. I must make my own interests secondary and focus my interest on you. I must also choose to follow your line of thought to catch a glimpse of your intention, to see things from your point of view. I must purposefully seek to understand.
When I choose to engage my eyes, ears, muscles, and mind to hear and understand you, I am enriched by our time together.
You are too.
